39 Xmas Number Ones

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Every year I seem to have an argument with someone about what was the Christmas number one in what particular year. This then inevitably escalates into a mass brawl and argument about which was number one every xmas since I/we were born (I usually have these arguments with people my own age for some reason).

The Christmas number one is an odd little beast, most of them aren't the ones you think and presume were that year. Sometimes this is because you've remembered the novelty hit even though we were saved from it, or maybe you were listening to the Network Chart and (incorrectly) remembered that - remember folks, it's what's top of the charts when we're sitting there eating our xmas dinner that counts none of this "week ending" business...

So, here for your consumption are...
The Past 39 UK Xmas Chart Toppers...
Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade
Almost officially the year of Slade, they were number for for most of this year with some bloody song or another. All of them with daft spellings or pathetic quirks.
Cum on Feel the Noize. Woohoo.
Lonely This Christmas - Mud
One of the handful on this list which is actually any good.
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
When a Child is Born - Jonny Mathis
Mull of Kintyre - Wings
Mary's Boy Child - Bony M
Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd
And incidently, the first chart topper of the 80s too. Meant a lot to us lads in the infants this did. I remember listening to this and reading my Beano then pulling apart the establishment.
Just Like Starting Over - John Lennon
Don't You Want Me - Human League
Save Your Love For Me
Rene And Renata
It's honestly a toss up between this and Blobby for being the worst of the 24. Even Robson and Jerome ranks higher.
Only You - The Flying Pickets
Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid
Saving All My Love For You
Whitney Houston
Caravan of Love - The Housemartins
Hull boys come good with their only number one. It incidently only just beat Jackie Wilson's Reet Petit off with a small stick.
Always on my mind - The Pet Shop Boys
Mistletoe and Wine - Cliff Richard
See, only one on this entire list - people think him and Shaking Stevens have been on and off the top of the chart every Christmas since the year dot, but no, oh no. I think Sir Cliff was runner up in 1992 with "Saviours Day" not sure though.
Do They Know It's Christmas
Band Aid II
Personally I think it was a little cheeky banging it out again only 5 years on. 10 years would have been much better.
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
You might remember this one was being shite or annoying or just simply making you crave "Under Pressure" but what it did do was prevent Jive Bunny (who was number one the week before Christmas) stealing Santa's sack.
Bohemian Rhapsody/These Are The Days of Our Lives - Queen
Thanks to the timely death of Freddie Queen are blessed as the only band to have the coverted Christmas number one on two seperate occasions with the same song.
I will always love you
Whitney Houston
Whitney with her second. Both of them tunes of the highest quality I'm sure you'll agree...
Mr Blobby - Mr Blobby
Stay Another Day - East 17
Interestingly I own 4 of the ditties on this list. Interestingly this is the only East 17 song I have deemed worth buying. Oo, I wonder what the other 3 are...
Earth Song - Michael Jackson
2 Become 1 - The Spice Girls
I was right, smug bastard that I am. Three consecutive number one's, god these girls are huge so to speak...
Too Much - The Spice Girls
Right again...the backlack just doesn't exist other than in the form of a media backlash. The 'Girls have still to put out a single that hasn't gone straight in at number one...that's 6 now - 6 in a row.
Goodbye - The Spice Girls
So the Spices (slightly less spicey than last year) have become the first band in my little snapshot of Xmas Number Ones to have 3 of the little beauties, and 3 in a row to boot. To be honest though, I don't mind these slower ones.
Seasons In The Sun/I have a Dream - Westlife
Their first 4 songs have all gone in straight in at number one, infact they have had all of those 4 number ones in 1999. This is less dull than some of their others as it's a double A-side of covers... but Image by John Lenon would have been better.
Bob The Builder - Can We Fix It?
Entered the charts at number 2, climbed to number 1 the following week and managed to hold off Westlife for the toppest of top positions on the 24th December. At last a builder at number one just like the old days!
Robbie Williams & Nichole Kidman - Somethin' Stupid
Swing baby, swing. Making up for Robbie not having a christmas number one as part of Take That, this classic song is now set to be reborn as a christmas classic I expect.
Girls Aloud - Sound Of The Underground
I backed them to do it, but not on the strength of the main track (which is remarkably catchy) but on the fact that it had a cover of East 17's Stay Another Day on the flipside.
Michael Andrews/Gary Jules - Mad World
My money was on The Darkness. I was robbed. Pipped at the post by Mad World. This is a good cover version (taken from the soundtrack of Donnie Darko), although the Tears For Fears version is much better.
Do They Know It's Christmas
Band Aid 20
Only song to be the christmas number one three times. You'll never beat the 1984 original though.
That's My Goal
Shayne Ward
Totally and utterly forgettable. Manufactured X-Factor shite. At least Girls Aloud had the decency to put out a catchy tune.
A Moment Like This
Leona Lewis
Second year running for manufactured X-Factor shite. Please stop. Please for the love of god, stop.
When You Believe
Leon Jackson
Third year running for manufactured X-Factor shite. We're doomed to suffer this kind of xmas number 1 for ever now it feels.
Alexandra Burke
Fourth year running for manufactured X-Factor shite. Interesting fact this year: 3 different versions of Hallelujah all made the Christmas Top 40.
Killing In The Name
Rage Against The Machine
A social media revolution put an end to the X-Factor reign of shite, pushing the 2009 winner "Joe" into 2nd place
When We Collide
Matt Cardle
After last year's blip, we're back to the disposable X-Factor nonsense. Five out of Six years X-Factor has made the top slot. That makes it, unfortunately, part of the tradition of Christmas.
Wherever You Are
The Military Wives Choir
No X-Factor this year, The Wives - a product of The Choir TV series - knocked Little Mix off the top spot by selling 556,000 copies of Wherever You Are in a week. That was more than 400,000 copies more than 2nd place.
...and as for the future
2012 The Christmas number ones of most of the recent years have been X-Factor winners or winners of other TV nonsense - and that looks set to continue until TV channels give up on the bloody concept... Another tip is to avoid backing novelty records as you will see from the list above they don't usually make it. Go for an artist with general but large current appeal, and a song released in Christmas week...
t e t r a  c  h  l  o  r  o  m  e  t  h  a  n  e
Dec 2011 CCl4
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